why do i think this is so funny? i especially LOVE the clip of the lady in the courtroom, it has been making me laugh all day.

let's be candid

there is this stereotype of artists that conceives that many go insane over time. some blame overexposure to chemicals, and others to an overactive mind. i'm not sure where the truth lies in this notion, but i have to tell you that i literally feel like i'm going crazy. i don't mean that i'm in a really busy season or that i have some emotionally taxing situation, i mean that i think i'm actually going crazy. i can't explain it all here in writing, or even in speech, but certain things have been happening for the past few months that really make me question my sanity. for example, just yesterday i was driving home to my parent's house- the house i lived in for somewhere around 17 years, the freeway exit that i've taken hundreds of times- and somewhere between upcoming holiday gifts and photography ideas i realized that i had passed my exit... 15 miles ago. and lately at work when i have to clock in, it will deny me access and then i'll see that i punched in my exact numbers, but in reverse or in a mirror image on the keyboard. or i'll be reading, and when a sentence doesn't make sense i'll go back and re-read it a few times only to discover that the single word that disrupted the entire sentence flow is in fact 4 lines below.

part of me wants to blame the high fevers from my tango with malaria and the brain cells that were lost as a result. another part thinks the darkroom chemicals are to blame. i don't feel overloaded and i'm not especially stressed out.

let me be real with you, when we were in sudan (how many sentences will i begin with that phrase in my lifetime?), i peed the bed. yep, as a 22 year old, i peed the bed. now, speaking of malaria, the hallucinations that accompany this disease are totally to blame for my midnight soiree with the mattress. i actually believed i was in a bathroom (um, ok fevers of 103 and life threatening disease here!). anyways, my point is that i've been having those dreams again. they haunted me for months after the pee incident. this dream where i am in a bathroom peeing, and then i partially wake up and realize that i'm actually still in bed. the only "accident" happened when i was sick, but i had surreal feeling every time i actually did go to pee, a fear that i might be dreaming instead. well, i had the dream last night and had to feel the sheets underneath me to make sure everything was still kosher (which it was).

i'm usually semi-indifferent toward thanksgiving. aside from the nostalgia that it brings in officially starting the holiday season, thanksgiving doesn't really do tons for me. it may be the issue that with my extended family, it's usually an awkward gathering where no one really has much to talk about.

this year i'll be spending the holiday with drew's siblings, and i'm ultra excited. i think it has to do with the fact that this is the first thanksgiving for us that we are in charge of. usually, i just show up and eat. but this time, we're doing all the cooking. there's a real sense of ownership that comes with being the one to dictate the menu and then to execute it (though i will say that we aren't exactly dictating anything- as the holiday itself basically commands the menu). i'm in charge of desserts, and since i can't cook worth a dime i'm pretty pleased with this responsibility. like i said, i can't cook, but i have inherited the uncanny ability to bake that runs within the women in my family.

i just got a nannying job for the new year. i'm so ready for a job where i can invest in the lives of others. i think it will be pretty perfect.

The $20 Weekend

If you want to know anything about me, then you should know that I will stretch every single penny for miles. I'm a sucker for a bargain, and I will never buy consumer goods at full price, unless I have searched the city and internet and found the best deal, though usually I convince myself to just wait until the latest version comes out and the one I want goes on sale.

Anyways, this habit extends into my social life, and sometimes makes it hard to hang out with friends who like to spend a weeks worth of wages on drinks alone. I am so fortunate to have found a mate who has adapted his frugality to meet mine, and I really think this lifestyle works for us.

This weekend in terms of money:
Friday- Drew and I make a collaborative dinner- he's on the main dish and I'm on the side. $0.
-After dinner we hit the local bookstore for some quality pop culture updates. $0.
-Movie rental: Bella. $1 from redbox.
Saturday- Wake early to go to Tiny Canary with my sister- a local indie arts and crafts fair- think etsy but in person. Arrive early enough to be one of the first 100 people in line and get free handmade, organic tote goodie bags which include free samples and gifts from the vendors like handmade cards, necklaces, keychains, sketchbooks, pens, pins, hair pins, coffee coupons, and patches. $0.
-Splurged on some baked goods from everyone's favorite local vegan bakery, Pattycake. $9.
-Use coupon to get coffee to have with delicious baked goods. 65cents.
-Sell a few articles of clothing at a consignment shop in order to have the funds to support these crazy spending habits. Make $25.
- Take our earnings to a coffee shop and splurge again on a smoothie, a beer and the best chai in Columbus. $10.

So, in total we actually ended up making $5 this weekend. I can't say that we usually have weekends full of almost free stuff, but I can say that I usually feel pretty good about life when we do.

Kamau

This is Kamau. He's 4. Ross just sent me this photo as a Happy Bday photo from Sudan!!! It seriously makes my day to see new photos of our kids. Murielle is leaving for Nimule on Thursday, and of course I get all emotional thinking about her trip and wondering how the kids have changed in 3 short months.

Things I'm Really Digging Right Now

1. Ban.do. I know, I know, very reminiscent of Kenley from PR season 5... but seriously, I think they're great. I'm thinking I could make a pretty good replica too.

2. My space heater. That thing has been with me for 8 or so years, and is probably my favorite material possession right now. When I'm away for the day, all I can think about is going back home and curling up with it.

3. Gustav Klimt.
I just bought a set of 12 of his prints at work on sale and with my discount... 6 bucks. I've been in love with his work since high school, and I had the honor of seeing this one in person in Vienna last year.

4. Rat tails on little boys. You heard (read) me. I saw a friend's 3 year old son with one this week and almost ate his face off.

5. Cascadian Farms All Natural Chocolate Chip Granola Bars. These things are the best granola bars I've ever had. They have a huge amount of honey in them and I eat like 3 a day.

Something else I wanted to mention is that I'm trying to drink more water. Sometimes, when I'm brushing my teeth at night, I'll realize that the only other time I drank anything that day was when I brushed my teeth that morning. So I thought maybe if I wrote it down I would make a larger effort.

Isaiah

i saw my first live birth in sudan this summer. it was intense. the woman was pushing, even though her water hadn't broken yet. guess where i was standing as she was pushing? yep, right between her legs. thankfully one of the nurses gave me a good shove right as the water broke- spraying about 3 feet forward in the exact location i had just been in. whew- glad i missed that one.

anyways, i've been thinking a lot about that birth lately. i later had the pleasure of naming the child (isaiah), who's mother made barely a sound when she delivered. only occasional "oooh loo-loo", in just above a whisper. this is just one many many instances which proves that african women are a hell of a lot tougher than most american women can dream to be. including myself. in fact, the only time the mother showed any sign of great pain was the day after the birth, when murielle had to sew her lady parts back together. she was squeezing my arm so tight during that procedure that my arm literally went numb and then i thought i was going to pass out. i think the squeezing was justified.

did i mention the absence of any anesthetic throughout the entire procedure? including the lady parts part? yeah.

that wasn't the only time i thought i would pass out in that hospital. in fact, before any of the action had even begun in isaiah's birth, i was imagining what was about to happen as murielle described it to me, and i had to leave the room and put my head between my knees. case in point.

Laugh With Me

I saw this a few months ago on a blog that I follow. Not only is this video hilarious, but it brings to light a few great points about birth control. Disclaimer- might make boys uncomfortable.

False Alarm

So you know that really mean guy who stole one of my photos? Well, I remembered today that I submitted some photos for the FULAA newsletter (the organization sponsoring my Sudanese babies), and it turns out that the dude who allegedly stole my photo is like the president of the organization... and the Facebook application is actually to raise money for Cornerstone (the orphanage)... Mystery solved.

I stumbled upon this fundraiser application thing on Facebook the other day (and really? am I really writing about Facebook on my blog? I'll try not to make a habit of it...) only to discover that the host was using one of my photos to advertise. At first I was a little surprised. Then I got kinda territorial. It was one of my favorites from Sudan. Then I realized that I haven't ever actually posted any pictures from Sudan, except for a few weeks ago on this here blog, and it wasn't the same photo anyways. So I'm a little confused. How did this person get my photo? The only place it has ever existed is on my camera and on my computer. I can't decide if I'm upset that he would use one of my copyrighted photos without asking, or if I feel violated in some weird computer way. Or maybe I just don't know how this whole computer/internet thing works and maybe I'm making a bigger deal out of this than need be. Lend me your thoughts.

I'm living in the darkroom. I would say that I'll post some photos soon... but now I'm all paranoid. In other news, I know that Drew needs to get his own place, but having him live at my house temporarily was so fun and convenient. Selfishly, I'll be sad to help him move out next week. Also, I'm experiencing a renewed appreciation for my city of Columbus. Working in a gallery downtown has been really insightful not only to the industry, but also to the art community of Columbus. I'm not saying that I don't still dream of being in Denver again (more on this later- plans to come), but for now Columbus is a really good place for me to be.

"I wish we could have a cessation in the use of the word Africa for just 18 months while America learns that Africa is a continent; that just in sub-Saharan Africa has 48 separate countries, and that it's not just the geography, it's the politics, the culture, the language, everything is different, and that yes, there's been bad news in Darfur, yes, there's been bad news out of Zimbabwe, but you have country after country after country with very high growth rates and remarkable progress. I mean, Rwanda, genocide in '94, 10 percent of the country dies in 90 days. Four years later, their per capita income still well under $300 a year, 10 years later, $1,000 a year. Nearly quadrupled their per capita income. That's the real Africa. That is far more representative of what the African people are doing and can do tomorrow than the other, and I really wish every time we talked about it--you should discuss it with your news people--whether we would mention a country. You might say, "Oh, by the way, it's in Africa," but we've got to stop thinking of Africa as a monolith."

Bill Clinton--September 28, 2008

Intergalactic

I've been having those days lately where I leave the house and don't return until over 12 hours later. I don't feel overwhelmed by it yet, but give it time and it's sure to take a toll.

a few newish things:

I have an internship at a local gallery that i go back and forth between being pumped about and being nervous about.

I work at Barnes and Noble- whose views and ideas do not represent those my own (really? is that necessary?), and all it really does for me is make me want to spend money.

Today in the darkroom, I had a few moments of anxiety at the realization that I didn't know what the eff I was doing anymore, but then it all came rushing back to me in an exhilarating way.

All I could think about for most of my day is the fact that my dear friend Hope (who is amazing and is currently in Kolkata, being amazing) has lice right now. My biggest fear. ever. Is it lame to say that after years of feeling like India is on my heart, the idea of getting lice makes me want to run and scream away from the idea? Yes, yes it is.

In Sudan this summer, the kids wanted to have an evening to show us their traditional tribal dances. So we decided that we should show them a traditional dance of our own. So we danced the robot to Intergalactic by the Beastie Boys. I hope they really thought that the robot was in any way an equivalent to their super meaningful tribal dances.

It's been some time.

I've decided to resurrect our Prague Blog. Except we're not on Prague anymore. So I guess I'll have to change the name. I've just been reading more and more blogs lately, so I decided to join the bandwagon (again...).

This summer has been... incredible. Drew and I spent some of June and July in Sudan, and, as expected, it has left imprints in my heart that I encounter every single day. We lived and worked at a children's home that my brother has a fundamental role in, while assisting in the local (and ridiculously understaffed) hospital. I'm not going to get into detail now, but it's entirely probable that I'll write more about the experience in the future, so I thought I'd mention it now.



I know Drew posted this video on his blog, but it's so amazing that I'm posting it also. Seriously, it makes me cry every time, without fail. And do I think the crying is partially influenced by the Whitney Houston music perfectly timed to the movie? Yes, absolutely.



I don't know about you, but I'm pretty stoked about fall. We were out of the country last fall, and though we experienced fall in a totally great way, there's just something about Ohio fall that will always be a little nostalgic for me.